Hearts desires

I've been thinking lately about life, and all the confusion and questions and complications it brings with it. Life would be so much easier if you knew what you wanted and went for it, instead of always having doubts, second guessing yourself, and forever obsessing over the could'ves, should'ves, maybes and what ifs. But how does one go about finding what they really want? Is it just a matter of looking deep in the longings of your heart and finding it there, does one find it through praying or do you just know, because it feels right and perfect and good. I struggle. I struggle with not knowing my hearts desires. I struggle not being able to distinguish the voice of my heart from my head, which are saying two different things. How can that be? And where is God in this? Where is He speaking from, my heart, my head, neither? Why is it that we want something that we don't have, and then when we have it, we suddenly don't want it anymore, and turn to something bigger and better. Is it the thrill of the chase, are we like children, wanting something even more, because someone has said no, or is it simply for personal satisfaction, proving to others, and ourselves that indeed we can obtain that ellusive prize, therefore ultimatly gaining approval and perhaps acceptance. I want to be selfish and get what I want, have the person that I desire desire me, have the life I long for, be that person I aspire to be. I want to get what I want and not be left with it's bitter taste in my mouth.

Say

Take out of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so called problems
Better put them in quotations

Say what you need to say (8x)

Walkin like a one man army
Fightin with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you’d be better off instead
If you could only

Say what you need to say (8x)

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for getting older
You better know that in the end its better to say too much
Than to never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
Why?

Say what you need to say (25x)


I really like this new John Mayer song. These words really make me think. Why are we so afraid to say what we need to say? Is it because for fear of getting hurt, fear of the unknown, fear of being laughed at, or maybe it's because we fear rejection? Rejection from those we love, those we like, those we admire and look up to? We all have so many things that we want to say, that we need to say. Words in our mind and heart that depict what we are feeling. Things that are simple - like putting in your two sense into a conversation with friends. Things that are a little more complicated, like explaining how you feel when someone does or says something that you don't like or agree with, or saying the simple words "I like you" or "I love you", "I need you and I want you". Why do we always wait until it's almost too late to say what we need to say? Why are we always waiting for that perfect moment, that perfect timing and place? What if there was no perfect time? What if we are always waiting for that perfect moment, and the chance slips right through our fingers? Could we ever get it back? Does that mean that it wasn't meant to be, or do we just have to keep trying. How long would someone wait to say that important thing? Because there will be a time when it'll be too late to say the words that you didn't say, that you could have said, the words that you should have said. How long will you wait?

Baking/cooking = hazzardous!!!

Oh my goodness I am seriously starting to think that I should never cook or bake again!! This week, I decided to actually cook something for supper, instead of eating soup or sandwiches. Anyways, the short story is (b/c I will look even more like a tool if I tell you "how" I did it!), I burned my finger on the red hot burner.... It hurt sooo bad!! Janice took me to the doctor, turns out it was 2 degree burn. haha... It's much better though! THEN - last night I was baking muffins for Bible Study, and apparently there was some paper stuck to the bottom of the muffin tin. Obviously I failed to notice this. So anways, with like 5 minutes left on the timer, I checked the muffins to see if they were ready yet. I opened the oven, pulled the muffin tin forward (don't worry - I had the oven mitt on), apparently I dislodged the paper that was on the bottom of the tin, and it falls to the bottom of the oven. I go to close the oven, something catches my eye, open the oven again, and the piece of paper mentioned above, is on FIRE!!!! AUH!!! I quickly close the door, frantically thinking of what to do, when I decide that hey - I want those muffins!! So I open the oven door, get out my muffins, and frantically blow the fire out. So in just one week, I have not only burned myself, but also tried to burn down my house. Hhmmm...... maybe I should get a fire extinguisher.....