The world as I see it

2009-03-11T22:13:00.002-06:00

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides and when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathless, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love", which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away and this is both an art and a fortunate accident."
-Captain Corelli's Mandolin

2009-01-19T22:08:00.003-06:00

There is so much in my heart and in my head that I want to say. That I need to say. But something keeps me from saying anything at all.

FEAR

Will you like me for who I am? Will it be enough for you when you find out that I'm just me?

UNCERTAINTY

What if I confess what's in my heart? What if I say the things I long to say? What if I throw caution to the wind and say everything thats on my mind?

How can I break through this barrier of reservations?

I can't pretend that I'm something I'm not. I need to show you who I am.

VULNERBILITY

My heart is lying on the table.

OPEN. RAW.

I release it. It is in your hands.

HOPE

Love

2008-05-27T22:02:00.001-06:00

hands linked
hearts entwined
beating as one

tiny hairs standing on end
goose bumps raised
as lips gently collide

warmth spreads through
as the wind whispers softly
in the glow of the moon
the tender sweet words of love
old and new

2008-05-26T22:01:00.002-06:00

You smiled that smile
And I got lost in those deep dark eyes

You laughed out loud
And my heart skipped a beat

You spoke sweet kind words
And I melted inside

I fell for you
And I waited for you to catch me

Now I am left picking up my broken mess

2008-05-11T09:24:00.002-06:00

I'm back!! Okay. So ..... things have been a little crazy busy around here lately. I just started cleaning full time last week. I was absolutely exhausted by the end of the week! And starting this week I am going to be babysitting Sophie once a week in the evening. Im glad that Im still going to be able to see her. I am still in school. One more month and then I am done for the summer!! yay!! Then I will be finishing up my certificate in the fall, doing classes during the day this time, instead of night, and correspondence. I have 5 classes to complete, and then my two practicums. And then I might go back again for another year to get my diploma. Then I will be done. Horray. It feels like such a long time away. At the end of March, my family and I went to BC to visit Ryan and Robyn. We had a really good time. We hung out lots, went shopping, went to the aquarium, went to Granville Island. That was fun - but super cold! It even snowed while we were there!! Crazy! Nothing much else has been going on.... This past friday, I went to see the African Childrens Choir. It was sooo amazing!! They had such energy and enthusiasm. It was incredible. And they were sooo cute!!! And - haha.... I even got to dance with one of the little boys... lol. They were doing this one song, and then all of a sudden some of the children were coming into the aisles and asking people to dance with them. This one little boy came down our aisle, and stopped beside me and asked me to dance with him. How could I say no??!! So I said okay, and got up and coppied his moves. well - attempted to... My face was honestly beat red, Im sure. But it was pretty fun. And thats about it for me. Nothing else much exciting going on. (I hope that was a good enough up-date for you Manzie... ) lol.

Vulnerbility

2008-03-11T22:06:00.004-06:00

Where do these masks come from that we hide behind? Why do we have them? And why are they so hard to get rid of? Maybe its because we're afraid to show our true selves. Again we are afraid of rejection - afraid that people won't like our true selves. Maybe it's because we've been hurt too many times, and can't stand to be let down, rejected, and so we hide. Or maybe it's because being vulnerable is the hardest thing in the world to do. It strips you right down, letting all the pretences, and fakeness fall away, leaving you naked. There is nothing in which to hide. It shows every flaw, and every detail, and every beautiful part of who we are. We need to tear down these walls that we have built around our hearts, and rip off these masks that we hide behind and find comfort in. Embrace our vulnerability, and be blessed because of it. Who cares if someone does not like us, or find us funny, or pretty. Do not look at the one person who tears you down, but at the multitude of people who build you up, and love us for the beauty they find in ourselves, in our vulnerbility, where our true beauty lies.

Hearts desires

2008-02-27T21:26:00.002-06:00

I've been thinking lately about life, and all the confusion and questions and complications it brings with it. Life would be so much easier if you knew what you wanted and went for it, instead of always having doubts, second guessing yourself, and forever obsessing over the could'ves, should'ves, maybes and what ifs. But how does one go about finding what they really want? Is it just a matter of looking deep in the longings of your heart and finding it there, does one find it through praying or do you just know, because it feels right and perfect and good. I struggle. I struggle with not knowing my hearts desires. I struggle not being able to distinguish the voice of my heart from my head, which are saying two different things. How can that be? And where is God in this? Where is He speaking from, my heart, my head, neither? Why is it that we want something that we don't have, and then when we have it, we suddenly don't want it anymore, and turn to something bigger and better. Is it the thrill of the chase, are we like children, wanting something even more, because someone has said no, or is it simply for personal satisfaction, proving to others, and ourselves that indeed we can obtain that ellusive prize, therefore ultimatly gaining approval and perhaps acceptance. I want to be selfish and get what I want, have the person that I desire desire me, have the life I long for, be that person I aspire to be. I want to get what I want and not be left with it's bitter taste in my mouth.

Say

2008-02-10T21:52:00.000-06:00

Take out of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so called problems
Better put them in quotations

Say what you need to say (8x)

Walkin like a one man army
Fightin with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you’d be better off instead
If you could only

Say what you need to say (8x)

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for getting older
You better know that in the end its better to say too much
Than to never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
Why?

Say what you need to say (25x)

I really like this new John Mayer song. These words really make me think. Why are we so afraid to say what we need to say? Is it because for fear of getting hurt, fear of the unknown, fear of being laughed at, or maybe it's because we fear rejection? Rejection from those we love, those we like, those we admire and look up to? We all have so many things that we want to say, that we need to say. Words in our mind and heart that depict what we are feeling. Things that are simple - like putting in your two sense into a conversation with friends. Things that are a little more complicated, like explaining how you feel when someone does or says something that you don't like or agree with, or saying the simple words "I like you" or "I love you", "I need you and I want you". Why do we always wait until it's almost too late to say what we need to say? Why are we always waiting for that perfect moment, that perfect timing and place? What if there was no perfect time? What if we are always waiting for that perfect moment, and the chance slips right through our fingers? Could we ever get it back? Does that mean that it wasn't meant to be, or do we just have to keep trying. How long would someone wait to say that important thing? Because there will be a time when it'll be too late to say the words that you didn't say, that you could have said, the words that you should have said. How long will you wait?

Baking/cooking = hazzardous!!!

2008-02-02T09:17:00.000-06:00

Oh my goodness I am seriously starting to think that I should never cook or bake again!! This week, I decided to actually cook something for supper, instead of eating soup or sandwiches. Anyways, the short story is (b/c I will look even more like a tool if I tell you "how" I did it!), I burned my finger on the red hot burner.... It hurt sooo bad!! Janice took me to the doctor, turns out it was 2 degree burn. haha... It's much better though! THEN - last night I was baking muffins for Bible Study, and apparently there was some paper stuck to the bottom of the muffin tin. Obviously I failed to notice this. So anways, with like 5 minutes left on the timer, I checked the muffins to see if they were ready yet. I opened the oven, pulled the muffin tin forward (don't worry - I had the oven mitt on), apparently I dislodged the paper that was on the bottom of the tin, and it falls to the bottom of the oven. I go to close the oven, something catches my eye, open the oven again, and the piece of paper mentioned above, is on FIRE!!!! AUH!!! I quickly close the door, frantically thinking of what to do, when I decide that hey - I want those muffins!! So I open the oven door, get out my muffins, and frantically blow the fire out. So in just one week, I have not only burned myself, but also tried to burn down my house. Hhmmm...... maybe I should get a fire extinguisher.....

2008-01-29T17:23:00.000-06:00

So how was everyone's Christmas? I know it's a little late - but I've been busy... and mostly lazy... My Christmas was awesome! It was sooo good to be home and do nothing and eat good food!! lol. And I even saw long lost friends!! :) But Ry and Rob didn't come home this year, which sucked, but I know they had fun in BC. My big present that I got this year was a keyboard... :D I was soo excited!! I play it all the time, and sing really loud, and I'm pretty sure that all my neighbours love me for it. I also got tickets to see Big and Rich. I took Amanda. We had a blast! It was sooo much fun! Their guests were Emerson Drive. They were sooo good! I wish they would have played more songs. And Terry Clark also performed. Also very good! The next guy that performed was this black guy - Cowboy Joe or something. Anyways, I didn't realize that he was black, and so I was really confused for a minute. I was like what the heck is this white cowboy doing, rapping on stage?!? lol. Big and Rich's stage set-up was really cool. they had catwalks and ramps. their costumes were pretty cool too.... fur coats, the one guy had sparkly jeans, sparkly shirt, his guitar was sparkly, and even his mike stand! lol. The other guy had on this outfit that looked like it could have belonged to a band conductor.... he had on a vest and what looked like a band hat, with feathers in it.... very interesting. ! and we had really good seats. We were'nt on the floor, but in the stands, about 5 rows up. Im glad that we werent on the floor, b/c everyone was standing for the entire thing, and I wouldn't have been able to see a thing!

What else... Babysitting has been going really well!! Sophie is growing like a weed! and learning new words everyday. She is now sleeping in her bed at nap-time, and isn't making a big fuss out of it. Im so proud of her! AND today - she went pee in the big potty for the first time!!! haha.... Definitely excited about that one!! :)

And - at the end of March, me and the fam are going to BC! YAY!!!! We are going to Vancouver to visit the brother and sister-in-law! Exciting!!! Well, thats about all of my exciting news for the time being. I know however, that I forgot something. but i can't remember what it is. oh well, maybe i;ll remember it later. Oh - I got my final marks back from last semester - all A's. (not that im bragging or anything ;) ). hmm... i don't think thats what i forgot though....

Christmas time!!

2007-12-19T21:40:00.000-06:00

YIPPEE!!! I am finally done all of my exams and assignments!! I'm sooo happy to be finished!!! I also got one of my last assignments back, and I got 100% on it!!! HEHE!! I was sooo happy and proud of myself! Yay me! Tomorrow is my last day of work, and then i am going home Friday!!! I can hardly wait! So one of the most embarrising/funny thing happened to me today. (As a side note, I always forget that my car is plugged in), and today wasnt any different, so I drove away, with my car still plugged in, but the end on my extension cord on my car is really hard to un-plug - so the entire cord came out of the plug-in on the side of the building. So here I am driving down the street with my extension cord trailing behind my car. I get to the first light, and its red. So im just sitting there, waiting for the light to turn, and i notice beside me this man frantically waving, and i think he might have honked his horn. What the heck? So I turn to look at him, and he's waving at me, and pointing to the front of my car... I'm like what is your prob.... oh my god! i forgot to unplug my car! So here I am, trying to figure out how in the world I'm going to fix this little problem, when the gentleman gets out of his car, try to un-plug the extension cord (while we are sitting at the lights, which turns green by-the way), but soon gave up pulling it, because of said reason above, and proceeds to wrap my cord around my mirror. So thank you sir for being so kind to get out of your car and help me out. HAHAHA!!! Im such a dork!

2007-12-14T18:50:00.000-06:00

Okay so today I went to get my oil changed in my car at Canadian Tire, and while I was in the waiting area waiting for my car to finish, this man came into the waiting area, and he had on boots that had fur on them. I seriously thought about reaching down and petting them, but figured the guy would probably find that a little creepy... :O So so far I have done one final, and finished two assignments. I have another final on Monday, and one on Tuesday, and an assignment due for Friday, but needs to be done before then so it will get there on time, b/c i have to mail it. and this weekend is sooo busy! I had today off, but didn't find the time to open my books to study. so much to do!!! i have finally finished all my Christmas baking, some of it didnt turn out like how i wanted it to, but i think it'll be good, but I won;t be eating it, so haha... suckers..... j/k! I have done all my Christmas shopping, except for this one present, which i am making, and haven't finished it yet. hopefully it will get done in time! Tomorrow night is the Church's Christmas program, which i am singing in. I am singing O holy Night, and apparently helping with congregational singing ?? then the next night is our Young Adults Christmas party which should be good times. Friday I am going home! yippee! I can't wait!

2007-11-17T20:22:00.000-06:00

Hello! Oh my goodness, so much has happened since I last blogged, but I can't even remember everything that happened... haha... I have since written 5 exams, done 3 assignments, and am in the process of preparing for another exam for Friday, and working on various other assignments. So far I have been getting really good marks on my stuff. Which totally surprises me! lol... but seriously, I was not even this good in high school! (and definitly not in university). I've been getting 86, 87, 88s on my exams, and assignments, and i even got a 93 on my last assignment. Yay for me! :)

I think that it is now officially winter outside. It snowed a little bit last week, but then it melted, and the temperatures have been much warmer for November than normal. But it snowed Tuesday night, and today it blowing snow. So im pretty sure that its gonna stay now. I was just thinking this past week that it was sooo weird to not have snow on Halloween and be in the middle of November and not have lots of snow on the ground already. Hopefully there wont be a lot of snow this year. Last weekend was the long weekend, but i didnt go home, because I had class monday night. Sunday was the craft show. It is this huge show that has like 180 some booths. i bought some stuff for Christmas presents.

This past week I had the flu. I got sick tuesday night. It was horrible! I can't remember the last time i had the flu! First I was soo cold, and then the next minute im so hot, im taking off all my clothes!

Other than that, work has been going well. My little girl Sophie is no longer making a big fuss when I come, and when Mom leaves. I'm so glad! I am so enjoying looking after Sophie. Everyday she amazes me with the things she does, and says. (not that she says a lot.. lol). Tuesday, she discovered that she has pockets on her pants, and then found out that I had pockets too! So she was trying to put things in my pockets, and she got a little frustrated when the camera wouldnt go in too! She was very chatty as well. Didn't have a clue what she was saying, but she definitly knew, and so when I said things like oh yah, is that so, she would nod enthusiatically, and then continue on with her story. So cute! :) Anywhoo, I should probably go and do something more productive with my time. Later!

2007-10-07T21:37:00.000-06:00

So. School has started a few weeks ago already. It's been really good. I have been enjoying it. My monday night classes are all about observations of children. The first class was good, and then the second and third classes were kinda boring. the proff just basically keeps repeating herself. but last class we got to go for a walk around campus, and look at things through a childs perspective. so that was kinda cool. tuesday night classes are all about child and adolescent development. the first class was a review for me, b/c i took most of the stuff that we talked about already from all my psych classes I have taken. the next classes after that were very interesting though. I have learned a lot already! Like, pregnant women should never ever clean the cat litter, b/c their feecies may carry some kind of disease, which could cause a misscarriage. I already have an exam on tuesday. Thursday night classes are alright. its all about health, safety and nutrition (for children). Last class we got to do a hand washing "celebration" thats what my proff calls exams - they are a celebration of what we know. lol. so anyways, we put this stuff on our hands called glow germ, then we washed our hands very thorally, and then our proff shined a black light on our hands to see how well we washed them. that was kinda cool to see - none of us actually got all the "germs" off. Work has been going good. My little girl is super cute. she still sometimes cries when her mom leaves, but not for long. hopefully the day will come when she doesnt, and is actually happy to see me! lol.
So a few weeks ago, I went home, and my car was giving me a little trouble, so I took it in before I left to go to meadow, and there were many things wrong with it... my brake line was leaking, one (or two) of my brake pads were gone, my fule line was leaking, and i think some other stuff was wrong. so anyways, i told the guy to only fix the important things - like the fule line, and dad would fix the rest when i got home. so anyways, to make a long story short, my dear car is now retired in meadow lake, waiting for Steve to drive it, and I have a new car!!! :) I'm sooo excited! I got it last week (or the week before, can't remember). I now have a 2000 grand am. It is silver, and very nice! :) I like it a lot.
some more exciting news for me - My Daddy is taking me to see Paul Brandt!!! Yay! Im sooo excited! the concert is on the 21st of Novemeber, here in Regina. So I dont even have to travel to Saskatoon! Dad and I saw him 6 years ago in Saskatoon, and it was sooo good! so it should be fun times!! :)
One of my best friends is getting married next summer, July 5th. I'm sooo excited! She will be the first one wed from our "group". It's so weird to think that we are old enough to be getting married....! And she has asked me to sing at her wedding, which is such an honour, and will be so much fun! lol. well, i think that is all. Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-09-09T13:41:00.000-06:00

So Summer is officially over, and Fall is here. It is significantly cooler now, and the leaves are changing and falling. The rest of my summer was good. The last week of August I went home to Meadow. Before that though, we went to my cousin Landis's wedding. It was really nice. Small, but nice. Home was good. Ryan and Robyn came home it was good to visit with them again. Oh yah - so some news - I did not get into the Education program at the U of R (big suprise...) But it's all good, because I am finally going to be doing something that I enjoy! I am going to be taking classes at SIAST, starting Sept. 17th. I will be taking ECE classes, through distance and evening classes. Right now I have 3 night classes and Mon, Tues and thursdays. and two correspondance classes, starting the beginning of Oct. I am definatly looking forward to that! Besides taking classes, I am also working part time cleaning Monday and Thursdays, and on Tuesday afternoons, and all day wednesdays I am taking care of a 14th month old girl. She's so cute! I started last wednesday, and she cried for about half an hour after her mom left, but I finally got her settled down, and she was good the rest of the day. But that is about all that is new with me.

2007-07-23T16:25:00.000-06:00

Okay - mouse update! haha... We caught the mouse that was in the cupboard on Friday, and then I saw another one running in my living room, and there was another one that was caught in the trap in the cupboard. So so far thats been three. I put some rat poisoning by the hole where the mouse in the living room came from, this morning it was moved, and today after work it was gone. So hopefully they will die soon!!!! and my landlord is going to be calling an exterminator. So in the mean time, i've been living with Janice, my cousin. That is all I have to say. Oh and it is soooooooo hot here!!!! it was 36 today. We are seriously dying at work!!!!

2007-07-19T15:00:00.000-06:00

Well, this summer has been interesting so far. My parents and Steve came to visit me last week - Wednesday to Saturday. it was good - we didn't really do anything too exciting, because I am the biggest klutz!!! Last thursday while at work, I was walking down the stairs, carrying the vacuum, and I tripped over my feet, and fell, and sprained my ankle... haha..... So i've been off work for a week - I'm going back tomorrow, and im so glad, b/c I have been going crazy with nothing to do!!!! So today I decided that I was gonna bake something for Bible Study for tomorrow, and I was looking at the recepie, and it said that it needed 6 oz of chocolate chips. I wasn't sure how much that was, so I decided to look at the measuring cups. So I opened the lower cupboard where the cups are, and OH MY GOD!!!! there was a mouse in it!!!!! I totally freaked out, slammed the cupboard door closed, screaming bloody murder, and hyperventalating. So I called my landlord and told him to come over right away, b/c there was a mouse in my cupboard. He came over, opened up the cupboard and was looking in it, but we couldn't see the mouse. So he told me that he was gonna go get some traps, and he would be back in a while, and in the meantime told me to clean out all the pots and pans so he can up the trap in there. Ummm okay... so Im still freaking out, call Dad, tell him that theres a mouse, and that I have to clean out the cupboard. He calms me down a bit, tells me that the mouse isnt gonna hurt me, and it'll be okay. Okay, so I get out the broom, just in case, get my flash-light, and put my oven mits on, and prepare to clean out this cupboard. I got most of the top cleared out, closed the cupboard, and try to phyic myself up to do the bottom shelf, where i saw the mouse run, and besides, the mouse might not even be in there anymore. This shelf by the way, is dark inside, and has lots of pots and pans, where the mouse can hide out in. So I finally talked myself into it, opened the door, and saw the mouse again!!!! It was a fricken huge too! So there is NO WAY in HELL that I am going to open that cupboard again!!!! So now I am just waiting (sitting on the chair, with my legs up), for my landlord to come back with the traps. Hopefully he'll be here soon. it's already been almost 2 hours... I am, by the way, still freaking out!

Summer!!!

2007-07-06T17:14:00.000-06:00

Summer is definatly in full swing now. It was the hottest day so far of the year today - 36 C. We were definatly dying today at work! seriously people - put your air on!!!! Other than that - work is going well. I am working for Tidy Time Savers - a cleaning company. Last weekend was the long weekend Canada Day - went home. Mom and Dad have moved into my grandmothers house - they are going to be building on to her house - a little suite for her to live in. So it was pretty weird to come home to a different home! Anyways, not much else is going on here. Later.

done school!!!

2007-04-30T22:51:00.000-06:00

Hey all. So I am done another year of school. Exams went well. I'm definatly excited for summer! I got a job for the summer. I will be working for a lady who started a cleaning company cleaning houses here in Regina. I think it'll be good. I start that on Wednesday. I just celebrated my 21st Birthday on Friday. I had a fabulous day - just relaxed, and then Janice and Alex, a friend took me out for supper, went to Bible Study, and we had cake after. I even got to blow out candles! lol. Saturday night we had another Birthday celebrationm for a friend, which involved Ice Cream cake, and an air hockey tournament, which I got my butt kicked! but it was fun. Sunday Janice and Alex and I played frisbee in the park (I am sore today!) Oh yah - so I got my letter from the education department - and aparently I am on the waiting list. So im not sure what is going to happen now. but they said that I am a good candidite.... I just dont understand why I'm on the waiting list, when I have completed 2 and a half years of university, but yet they are accepting high school students! seriously! I guess I should be happy that im at least on the list. Anywhoo, thats all for now. Later days

catch up

2007-03-23T16:05:00.000-06:00

Oh my goodness, so I can't believe that there are only like 3 more weeks of classes.... AUHUH!!! I am so not ready!!!! The week goes by so fast, and the weekend goes by even faster. Man I need some serious catch-up time! But it seems that when you do find time to catch up on homework, you find so much other things that need to be done instead- like clean your apartment, or bake muffins! So while I don't want the days to come, I want to be done and be able to relax and not have stupid deadlines/exams to worry about. I still haven't heard back from the education department about whether i got in or not - im getting a little worried, b/c registration for next year is coming up soon. anyways, so this week, I got a little bored with my hair - actually my bangs were getting too long, and well, I can't really afford a hair cut right now, so I decided to cut them myself... yah.... the first time they were good. then the next day, I decided that they werent short enough, so i cut them shorter, and shorter, and shorter.... hehe.... finally i just gave up and cut them straight across my forehead. I guess they look alright, cuz people were complimenting me on them today.... this is how it turned out:

Anywhoo, I better do some homework, before I start my busy weekend. Later!

2007-03-18T22:41:00.000-06:00

"Late have I loved you, beauty so old and so new: late have I loved you. And see, you were within and I was in the external world and sought you there, and in my unlovely state I plunged into those lovely created things which you made. You were with me, and I was not with you. The lovely things kept me far from you, though if they did not have their existence in you, they had no existence at all. You called and cried out loud and shattered my deafness. You were radiant and resplendent, you put to flight my blindness. You were fragrant, and I drew in my breath and now pant after you. I tasted you, and I feel but hunger and thirst for you. You touched me, and I am set on fire to attain the peace which is yours." - Saint Augustine

2007-02-07T22:33:00.000-06:00

So work and school are going good. well, work is good, school is you know... school.... I'm really liking my job. The daycare that I work at actually has two locations, and so yesterday was my first day at the other location. it was.. interesting. it's at another school - i think this school is a french/english school, hence french words everywhere... lol. this daycare is definatly smaller. they have about 6 kindergardeners who come in the afternoon, and then about 12-15 afterschool kids. so its definatly a switch from the other location, where there are 30-35 children. Mom and dad got back from Hawaii last week. Mom came to Regina this past weekend for meetings. It was nice to visit. They brought me back chocolate that is soooo gooodddd!!! and they also got me a necklace, and an anklet, a calender, a mug that has my name in english, and in hawaiian, and they also got me a coconut bra (haha... i asked for that).... lol. and a grass skirt. In two weeks is our spring break. I'm getting excited. me mom and steve are going to Vancouver for three days to visit with the brother and sister-in-law. should be good times. anyways, i guess thats all that i have to say. later.
tip of the day: children stink.... and not just little kids either. i don't really have a tip for that... just wanted to share that. :)

new job!

2007-01-16T22:53:00.000-06:00

So I now have a job! Yah! I started work last week. I am working at a daycare that is in a school. Today was my second shift. The kids are sooo cute! I definatly missed working with kids! It was a little awquard at first, b/c I wasn't quite sure what to do. but things got better. I think that I would like to be a teacher, and not child-care worker. And I have also decided that I would like to teach grade one. I'm not quite sure how I will manage to keep like 30 kids in line, but I guess things have a way of working themselves out. Now I just need to get into education! Right now my plan is if I don't get into educ. then I will probably finish my music degree, and then finish with the educ. degree. Right now my parents are off to Hawaii!!! I'm so excited for them. they never get to do anything fun for themselves. And I'm really glad that they are doing this. Maybe they will travel more when they retire. well anyways, I'm off to bed. Later.

Christmas photos

2007-01-06T19:14:00.000-06:00

Hello. Here are some pictures from Christmas

Robyn and Ryan home for Christmas.

Christmas Dinner with the Fam.

Bowling night.

Friends.

Happy New Year!!

2006-12-31T17:17:00.000-06:00

Hello! Well, Christmas has come and gone, school will be starting soon, and it will be next year tomorrow. I had a really nice Christmas. Ryan and Robyn came down for a week. That was really nice. I think that they really liked their present that I got them. I made them a scrapbook of their wedding photos. it was so much fun to do. I didn't do too much this holiday. just hung out with the fam, I went to the daycare... :) my kids are so big! it was so good to see them, and the staff. I also hung out with a few friends. It was good to see almost everyone. So school doesn't start up again til the 8th. I'll probably be leaving either Friday, or Saturday. I'm pretty much ready to go back soon. Anyways, I wish everyone a safe and happy New Year!

home!!!

2006-12-18T00:18:00.000-06:00

So Iam officially at home. I arrived Friday night. The roads were pretty bad coming home from North Battleford. it was snowing pretty good, the roads were icy and snowy, half the time I was driving either in the middle of the road, or on the wrong side of it. But I made it! So far I haven't done anything really. I wrapped presents yesterday. Today I went to church. It was good to see people again. - lol. I mean familiar people.... And I saw one of my babies tonight! She has changed a lot!! it's insane! And tommorrow I'm going to the Daycare, so I will see more of my kids!!! So excited!!!! :D I have so many things on my mind right now.... How do you make the right decisions in your life without really knowing if it is the right one, how do you choose the right path, the right partner, the right career if you don't know how to? When you know do you just know? or is life always a guessing game? and why do we always hurt the people who are the most dearest to us the most/worst? there is so many questions and not enough answers in this game we play called Life. On a brighter note, 4 more sleeps until Robyn and Ryan, and 7 more sleeps until Christmas!!!!

2006-12-04T18:21:00.000-06:00

So this weekend was my choir concert. It went really well. I think that we performed really good. Mom dad and Steve came up to watch me. it was nice to see them. Janice also came and watched. we all went out for ribs after. Sunday me and mom went shopping. my printer had stopped working for some reason. it wouldnt print black. so mom bought me a new printer - one with a scanner and photocopier all in one. its awesome. lol. and i also bought a new winter jacket. my old one just wasnt cutting it anymore. especially with the brutal wind here. yah!!!! i am officially done classes for the semester!! it feels so good. except that finals start next week... and i havent even started studying!! anyways, i have to go. Bye!

Watery eye does not equal acne problem!!

2006-11-29T15:35:00.000-06:00

Okay. so school is done in like 5 days, my essay that i havent started yet is also due in 5 days, I have a choir concert in 3 days, and exams are starting in like 12 days, so needless to say, i'm getting to that point. im sure you all know what point im talking about. and it snowed like crazy the last few days. it has finally stopped. Winter has officially begun.... augh!! i hate christmas shopping!!! there are those certain people that you never know what to get them.... ! oh yah, so on Friday, I went to the symphony with a friend. it was alright. other than that, i didn't do anything but homework this past weekend. oh, and i also went to my friends percussion ensamble. it was crazy good. lol. So i went to the doctor yesterday, at the walk in clinic by my house, b/c my eye has been watering off and on for some time now, and it was starting to kind of hurt. so i went in, i explain to him that my eye has been watering, etc. he kind of pokes at the skin around my eye, sits down, and goes on to explain how to use this antibiotic, and tells me to put it on the infected areas, and my pimples... WHOA!!!! WHAT!!!! "I'm sorry sir, did you say on my pimples?!?!?" i says to him. he;s like yes. i give him this strange look, and explain (a little slower), that i came in b/c my EYE was watering, NOT b/c of my acne problem!!! so he looks in my eye, and comments that it looks a little red (obviously!) and then tells me that i have pink eye.... umm okay. i dont think so sir! A person can not have pink eye for like a year, off and on!! (can they???) anyways, thats all the stories i have right now. so needless to say, my tip of the day is: Walk-in Clinics are kinda sketchy, use with caution.

Christmas don't be late!!!!

2006-11-15T22:27:00.000-06:00

I just have a few little things to say. I was in a bad mood yesterday after I got my world music mid-term back - sooooo bad!!!!!!! and then today, since i had to write a stupid Ear Training mid-term and i got my english essay back, which was also bad, but definatly no where near as bad as that mid-term..... anyways, iam now listening to Christmas music, and it definatly put me into a better mood. :) yah! I just realized today, that it is one month, and then i get to go home for an extended period of time... woot! "Christmas don't me late!!" anyways, i'm tired, so i am going to bed.

2006-11-13T22:40:00.000-06:00

I definatly had a lovely weekend. we had today off of school for Rememberance Day. Friday afternoon right after school, I went with Janice to this big craft fair thing. it was basically like the craft fair at home, except like 5 times bigger. There was so many people in such a little space.... after the craft fair, me and Jani went to her house, made supper, and then she took me to Bible Study with her. I enjoyed it. Saturday, I decided to go to church with Janice. It was good. then we went out for lunch with a bunch of her friends. we went to Montana's - it was okay. i didn't really like what I ordered. then I came home, had a little nap, and then Janice came by again, and we went to the Celebration of Trees, or whatever its called. it was good. then we went to Tim Horton's, met the guys there, had a drink, and then us girls went and saw a movie - Step Up, and the guys went to a Pat's game. then we all met up afterwards at Tony Roma's. Sunday I went to church, and brought a friend with me, and then we went to a concert for school. it was a pretty good concert. Didn't do too much after that. Today was a really slack day. I did school work like all day. I had to write my concert report draft which was due tonight at mid-night. Yah. well, that's about all that I have to say. I can't wait for Christmas!!! :)

why?

2006-11-01T18:18:00.000-06:00

Why are things always so confusing for me? Why do I have to make decisions? Why do the decisions seem so diffuclt at times? Why is LIFE so difficult? Why do people die? Why do friends/family loose touch? Why am I always last? Why is God so far away? Why does it feel like I'm dying inside? Why do I hide behind this mask I've made? Why can I never find the answers that I need the most? Why God why?????

boringness....

2006-10-30T22:23:00.000-06:00

So my weekend was pretty uneventful. Saturday me and Janice went to a movie We saw The Devil wears Proda. It wasn't too bad. definatly something that i wouldn't buy, or even want to see again. Sunday I just went to church, and then hung out with myself. it was pretty fun.... yah anyways, so i got my History mid-term back.... didn't do too bad... i was pretty proud of myself. right now i am supposedly studying for my last mid-term.... uh huh.... but it seems that i can not focus on studying right now. too many things are in my brain right now.... random - i burnt my finger this weekend on my curling iron... hehe... now it looks like some nasty boil mark.... im so excited for christmas! i know it's like 2 months away. but i cant wait to see my brother and sister-in-law :) anyways, i gotta go study.... or something.

holy CRAP!

2006-10-24T18:29:00.000-06:00

So I just got home about an hour ago from school via the bus, and seriously, I feared for my life!! This crazy woman was driving... oh my gosh! one bus stop is like right by these set of lights, and the bus is supposed to be in the left hand lane to turn, but she couldnt get in, b/c cars kept coming, so she gets into the non-turning lane, and attempts to turn left, while someone was coming from behind, turning left as well! she was also going super fast, and would like brake at the last possible moment.. like seriously where do people learn to drive?!?!? anyways, so my weekend was a little dull. sunday I went to a concert with Cousin Janice. it was actually really good! I enjoyed it. It was a chamber symphony. monday I had my history mid-term. it was actually not as bad as i imagined it to be. it was very straightforward, and there were no tricks. it was definatly long though! I got my ear training marks back - 82 for written, and 79 for oral. not bad for me. so tomorrow is my next midterm in theory. and then i have one next week, and then im done for a little while. yah! Today I went to dollarama.... best store EVER!!!! EVERYTHING is a dollar! anyways i better get studying! later days!
quote of the day: "Whoa! You're so short that I can see your hair follicals!"

2006-10-20T19:36:00.000-06:00

So I just finished two midterms this week. both of them ear training. Wednesday was the written. Apparently I got 81% - which Im not sure how I managed to pull that off!! Today was the sigh-singing part. I did alright. Oh my goodness, I had to sing this melody for her, and I had to use numbers, and it was like FGA, or something, and so I said 4,6. and the proff was like, no its 4,5. I'm like duh karen! but my brain was malfunctioning, and I kept saying 4,6!!! I finally got it right on the 3rd time. I felt like such a dork!! but my proff just laughed at me. I guess thats what nerves do you me. lol. This weekend I didnt really do much of anything. I stayed in my apartment all saturday, Sunday I went to church, and then Cousin Janice invited me to her friends farm for Thanksgiving dinner. It was really good!! Tuesday night I went to Young Adults. that was good. The worship pastor made an announcment that he;s looking for pple to help him do worship Tuesday nights for Young Adults. So Im thinking about talking to him about it. I really want to start getting involved at church. Wednesday I went shopping.... I bought a pair of pants for 10$, and a really nice sweater for 20. So my apartment is still undergoing construction. I hope that they are going to be done soon. Well, I dont really have much else to say.

Tip of the day: It is not okay if you have a mullet. And it is more than not okay if you have a mullet and a fanny-pack.. at the same time!

2006-10-15T11:27:00.000-06:00

I was just looking at old photos of me and Ry when we were younger. Oh Man - So many good memories!!! Here are a few of my favorites:

Ryan mom and me watching T.V.How hot are we right now..... so hot....

Im pretty sure I was trying to be like Ryan - hehe.... Im sure he hated me for that!I love love this picture! This is my lovley Grandma Rutz and I.

That my friends, was a little glimps into my past. Now here is the present....

Anyways, enough pictures for now. I am off to have turkey dinner with my cousin and her friends!!

2006-10-11T14:56:00.000-06:00

I am pretty happy right now. All that I have to say right now is that I definatly rocked my theory quiz. I got 93! woot! and i did pretty good on my ear training quiz. 8.5 out of 10! but i did horribly on my english essay! so horrible that I dare not share my mark. ooh - and it is snowing outside. it is indead winter now. I dont think that my mind has processed that, but my body definatly has! oh - and there is a really really cute construction dude working right outside my door :) oh yah!

tip of the day: drumming is not as easy as you may think it is/looks... I also think that it is a requirment or something that all drummers must be substantially good looking....

mmmm home...

2006-10-09T22:07:00.000-06:00

So I went home this weekend. it was really nice. I had company on the way home. I drove the Beaulieu's home. We had some fun times! Apparently I'd make a bad deer... hehe.... Home was good. We had Turkey dinner saturday night with Grandma, and uncle Dave and Auntie Francis. it was as good as can be expected for my family.... then i went out for coffee with a couple friends. it was so fun to just sit around and laugh - i mean really laugh. its one thing to go out with friends that i made here, but its just not the same as coming home and hanging out with "the gang". needless to say, we were pretty wired! we each had a cafinated drink, and then we shared a huge piece of desert, and then we had more caffinated drinks. fun times. sunday i didnt do anything. i went to church... that was good....saw someone that i didnt expect to see... not sure if that was good or not..... and then today we drove back home. I definatly ate a lot! I had like 3 pieces of pie, 3 pieces of cake, turkey, etc.... but it was good!!! oh! i am feeling a little better about ear training. (just a little though). I definatly rocked my theory quiz on friday, and i think that i did better on my ET quiz than my last one. at least i got all the notes this time. :) but anyways, thats enough for right now. Later days!

tip of the day: there is such a thing as a stupid question! example: Do deer hibernate?!? hahaha!!!!!

Aurgh!!!!!

2006-10-05T14:33:00.001-06:00

Something is seriously wrong with my brain. i think that somewhere along the way something happened to it, and now it is malfunctioning. either that, or it was never right to begin with. How else can one explain the number of hours I practice ear training, and still suck. You have no idea how much I practice, how many times i listen to the song, how many times i play it over and over and over and over and still not know. why why why why...... I am so frustrated and mad and angry and sad. how can someone who has taken 10 years of piano - 10 years of fricken ear training and not know what the hell they are doing?!?!? Im just really upset right now. I can't wait to go home tomorrow.

Oh construction...

2006-10-03T11:07:00.000-06:00

Alrighty. So this weekend was a little bit of a drag. Friday night I did absolutly nothing. not even homework..... bad me... Saturday I started my essay that is due tomorrow, and then haha... this is where the real fun began... I went to a concert at Darke Hall for history class. It was some lady playing the piano. Amazing pianist! She played the first 2 songs on a fortepiano, and then two more songs on a grand. Oh man how i dislike the fortepiano. it sounds a bit different from a regular piano - not as rich or loud. Let me tell you, it was the longest 2 hours of my life!!!! she played this one song and it had 4 movements in it, oh my god!!!! It was a freaking hour long! one song!!!! If you were there, you would understand why I hate classical music!!!! Actually, I can now tolorate orchestra classical, but just dont make me listen to straight piano! I'm such a weirdo... I can play classical on piano but i just cant listen to it for very long. anyways, Sunday and monday I didnt do anything that is worth mentioning. Right now I am listening to the lovely sound of construction right outside my door. they are fixing the sewer line. let me tell you, this morning it was so stinky in the hallway of sewer that i almost lost my breakfast. it seriously was that bad. anyhoo, im gonna try and take a little nap before I tackle my stupid essay.

tip of the day: if you have a bad BO problem, please, oh please! do not cover it up with cologne, and then make someone sit beside you for an hour!!! so not good...

my room-mate

2006-09-30T12:06:00.000-06:00

Alrighty, so i went into my bathroom last night, cuz i really had to pee (and you really needed to know that), and I found me a little house-guest.... Yup. i told you they were huge! This is like the 8th one I have killed so far... and every time I kill them, I squeel like a little girl... hehe.... oh how I wish I did not live by-myself, so that I would not have to kill them.... ok. i killed this one last night, and then this morning i go into the bathroom, and there is another! i swear they multiply everytime i kill them! So beacuse that picture is gross, and gives me shudders everytime i look at it, here is a picture of my cute puppies :)
This is Penny

And this is Noah

Fashion tip of the YEAR: Those skin tight jeans - you know - the ones that taper at the bottom, and hug your ankles - are not cool!!! They may just be worse than Mom jeans - well, maybe not quite....

dancing... woot!

2006-09-28T17:51:00.000-06:00

So today in world music, we had a guest. She demonstrated North Indian dance. It was very interesting. And then she made up get up and dance... now that was interesting! haha..... I'm so uncorodinated when it comes to dancing! it was very fun though. Frick, I hate my keyboard lab! The lab instructor uses all these technical words, and goes really fast, and im always left in the dust. So I always make her come and sit beside me, and go through everything she just said in detail slowly, and show me on the keyboard what to do .. she must really hate me for that... hehe... I just bought the new All-American Rejects CD, Move Along. it's pretty good. I also bought the Blue October CD, Foiled. It's not as good as I wanted it to be.
Tip of the day: Do not chew your gum like a cow. It is disgusting, and people will not like you for that.

visits, sewer, and Paul Brandt...

2006-09-27T21:41:00.000-06:00

Monday night mom and dad came down. Mom had a meeting on tuesday in Regina, and Dad had monday and tuesday off. It was good. We wen out for supper monday night, and then Tuesady me and dad hung out all day. we went shopping. I bought some speakers for my lap-top; a desk chair; some other stuff AND Ryan and Robyn's Christmas present. I know, it's only September, but I'm making it, and it's gonna take a while! (You guys will definatly like it! - and no it's not another blanket... hehe...) So I might be evacuated from my apartment for a little while. They are having problems with the water/sewer system. it smells pretty rank in the hall way. it smells a little bit in my bathroom under the sink. so they are going to be trying to fix it. and we're supposed to be conserving water which means no shower for me.... which is not good.. i havent showered since monday night (but dont worry, it's only wednesday night), and well.... my hair is a little greasy... hehe.... maybe i'll try washing it in the sink tomorrow morning.... On a side note... im watching Paul Brandt in concert on TV, and have decided that my ultimate dream right now would be to sing a duet with Paul Brandt! haha..... he's pretty much my all-time favorite country singer.. and he sings so well - even live!
Tip of the day: A smile goes a long way! :)

People watching... so great

2006-09-24T14:57:00.000-06:00

Man I LOVE people watching! haha its great! Hours of entertainment for free! There's this older man (probably in his late 40 early 50s). I see him almost everyday from my window of my apartment. He always has a shopping cart full of bags with probably junk in them. He doesnt look that welll off, hence the shopping cart and junk, and his appearance. but i always see him loading his stuff into a really nice car parked outside my building, stashes his cart somewhere, and then he drives away in the car. its so weird! Just now I witnessed some guy lock his keys in his car.... haha.. i laughed. he finally got in with a coat hanger. So I saw Last Kiss on friday night - oh my god do not see it if you havent already! it was just plain dumb and raunchy.
tip of the day: people watching = great laughs.

Bah Humbug

2006-09-22T18:08:00.000-06:00

I hate music! Well, not really. But I hate analizing everything little thing about it! I don't care if there is a diminished 7th chord in the C major scale, I don't care how many symphonies Bach wrote and what they were called, and i don't care how many beats are in a measure, or what the notated rhythms are! I just want to listen to music for the enjoyment. Analizing something to death is just a kill-joy. Don't get me wrong - I love music! It's my passion. Someday I would like to make an album. (I know I shouldnt be complaining.. but i didn't have a very good day today, so I think I'm entitled to a little whining, complaining and venting). I already know that I want to work with kids, and I have decided that if I don't get into the Education program next year, than I am afraid it is good-bye U of R. I'm not sure where I'll go... but I know that I can't do another year in the music degree. Maybe I can take ECE at Saist here.... I do really like Regina, and I don't really want to move again. or go back home. Not that I dont love home. It's just time to be independent for once. While I am ranting about things, I just have to say that boys are very strange creatures, and they make for a very interesting time. That is all I have to say.

Creepyness....!

2006-09-21T07:43:00.000-06:00

I hate spiders. They just creep me out! So far I have seen about 5 in my apartment. and we;re not talkin little baby ones. no my dear friends, they are HUGE hairy beasts! *shudder* Another thing that I hate are creepy men. So this one day last week, I was wearing that shirt that says "wait til you see me dance". So I went up town, (wearing that shirt), and I was walking in the parking lot of Staples, and some guy was also. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him, and discovered that he had no shirt on. So naturally I turn to look at him. It's some middle aged guy.... So anyway, I continue walking, and as im going through the doors of Staples, this guy says from behind me in a bit of a sleazy way, "So, you like to dance?" I almost stop in my tracks, turn around and slap him. but instead, i kept walking (a little faster), and just kind of give a polite little haha. He keeps following me, and then he goes on to say, "Do you ballroom dance?" Like frick, whats wrong with you? On a different note, I didn't get that day-care job. :( boo hoo. Oh well. Okay. I am seriously going through baby withdrawl! I keep having the same dream over and over, that I go back to the day-care to visit my babies. and then i wake up sad because i miss them. *sigh* I better have lots and lots of nieces and nephews to play with and spoil.... oh yah! Oooh! I got invited to an underwear party! haha! We have to bring a pair of our granny panties to burn, and then buy a "scandilous" pair and exchange. should be fun times! speaking of being invited to parties, I once got invited to a sex party..... needless to say, I did not go.....
Tip of the day: Do not leave dirty dishes in the sink for an extended period of time, unless you plan on breeding fruit flies.

Mmmmm pot...

2006-09-14T12:10:00.000-06:00

So.... I'm definatly thinking that one of my apartment neighbors smokes pot... I definatly smell it whenever i'm in the hallway.... Maybe he can hook me up sometime... haha... j/k. Mmmm... I just love apartment life.... I can hear the people above me walking around. It sounds like the roof is going to cave in sometimes.... and if i listen hard enough, sometimes i can hear them arguing. The pipes are super loud, so I know whenever someone uses water....

Last Saturday, my cousin invited me to hang out with her and her friends. We went to her friends farm. it was so much fun! I had a really good time.

Okay, so this morning at like 4 in the morning, someones stupid car alarm went off for like 10 freaking minutes! Then I got to thinking "What if that was someone from my apartments car going off.... What if someones out there stealing cars, or vandilizing them... hmm... my car is out there.... crap!!!" so, i got out of bed, and peeped throught the window to see if my car was still there, and if it was ok (it was by the way).... I know I know.... I'm weird, and I always imagine crazy things like this....

Yesterday I had an interview for a part-time job at a day-care. I think it went well. So I will know by monday if i get the job or not.
Well, i'm gonna go take a nap or something... mmmmm......

First day of class!

2006-09-05T13:34:00.000-06:00

Okay. So I am officially in Regina! Yah! I moved in on the weekend. That was a big job! We couldn't get my couch to fit through the emergency door of the apartment, so Dad took the door off the hinges. haha.... we finally got it in. I love my apartment! It's just the right size for me. And it's not even a block away from a small mall, and the bus stop is at the back of the mall, so thats really handy. Classes started today. I was a little nervous about that. but it went really well. I rode the bus to school without getting lost, or meeting any weirdos :) I only had one class today - World Music. it was ok. The prof was really nice. she comes from England. today there was 13 pple in the class - and the prof said that there is only 15 signed up, so that will be nice. :) After class I toured around and found out where my other classes for tomorrow are. Then I stood in line for a good hour waiting to get my student ID card. All in all, it was a good day. It definatly be hard getting back into the "school mode" but i think it'll be good. Oh - I also found a good church. It's called Hillside Baptist Church i think. Theres a young adult group thing getting together at the church tonight, and I think im going to go. it'll be fun - and i need to meet some people and make friends! Well, thats about all for now. Here's a pic of me in my new apartment.

The Way

2006-08-30T18:44:00.000-06:00

Friend, I have lost the way.
The way leads on.

Is there another way?
The way is one.

I must retrace the track.
It's lost and gone

Back, I must travel back!
None goes there, none.

Then I'll make here my place,
(the road runs on),

Stand still and set my face,
(the road leaps on),

Stay here, forever stay.
None stays here, none.

I cannot find the way.
The way leads on.

Oh places I have passed!
That's journey's done.

And what will come at last?
The road leads on.

- Edwin Muir

Done work!

2006-08-26T18:03:00.001-06:00

Sweet. So this is my first post ever. So yah. I am officially done work for the summer. I was working in a daycare for like 5 months. it was awesome!!! I was working with the infants, I love them so much!! :) and now i am going back to school, in Regina. So i definatly am looking forward to that! I leave on the 31st, and school starts on the 5th. This summer flew by, but i am looking forward to leaving. Whoo hooo!!! But now I have to go bake 3 dozen muffins for church tomorrow. yah.....